If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
