his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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