Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
