Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
