yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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