I wannas sexs uuuuu
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize