update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
