we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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