i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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