the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
