I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
