just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
