I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
