Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
