I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize