M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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