Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
