I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
