I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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