fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
