He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
