There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
