We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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