So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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