I can tuck mytits in my pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
