yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
