The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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