Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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