I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
