anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
