I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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