Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
