Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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