i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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