I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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