If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
