I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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