We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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