had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
