Me. At least after what I've been through.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
