its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
