Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
