last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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