I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
