I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
