I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just high enough for therapy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize