She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
