I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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