I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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