Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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