So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
