When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
