How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
