I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you inspire me to be a worse person
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
