you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
