I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
