no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
