they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
