I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
